A brick through my window..please...anyone?! (Not literally of course)

Now I know this is not related to volunteering at Film Oxford but I felt the need to Blog and I don't have a another Blog account. Note my serious journalist style font! 

So, Samantha Brick has turned heads for all the wrong reasons this week with her article in the Mail which sparked all kinds of 'hating' to spread over the net and TV. This could be the wrong move for me to react but lets face it, my Blog ain't going world wide so I should be safe.

Now, Samantha Brick is your stereotypical sexy woman, blond, blue eyes, 'well stacked' so I see why she gets the attention. I don't believe her to be universally good looking such as J-Lo or Beyonce but none the less she is Barbie-esque and matches the type that we are led to believe most men find attractive and sexy, note I say most, not all, I do know that not all men love a Barbie figure! I imagine that she does get a a lot of attention from men and negative attention from some women, do i think that it is a cross to bare? Maybe, but not as heavy as the one I'm lugging about!


Here's my problem. I have no partner and have been single for a few years. When meeting new people be it at work, on a course or out socially the conversation will always turn to relationships are you married, single etc. On replying that I am single I am then usually asked if I choose to be single and I always say the same, that it is not by choice but that I never meet anyone, not from being to choosy or not liking anyone but from from not ever getting chatted up in the first place. This is usually received by disbelief which believe me is very flattering, though whether people are just being kind (probably are), I don't know but the fact remains the same I do not pull, ever!


Now I know I am not universally good looking and definitely no sex bomb.  In fact I see my self as rather manly, un-sexy and average looking. My eyes, mouth and nose are in the right place but there is nothing particularly pretty about them, my figures alright but I ain't no Kelly Brook, but people, especially women, find it hard to accept that I do not get chatted up. In fact they tend to go one further saying 'If I was gay I'd chat you up', 'I was thinking how fanciable you are!' or 'What a waste of a good woman'. I do actually think at this point, oh Christ they really are feeling sorry for the old singleton left on the shelf, but the fact is I do hear it and do wonder, if this is the case then why do I not get approached, let alone asked out on dates.One theory I have is that because I am so blokey (in my head having partly evolved into one in their abence), that women actually start fancying me and men are put off!

I suppose circumstances play a big part in your chances of being hit on. Let's face it unless Hugh Grant parachutes into my close at the end of the tiny village where I live, then he ain't never gonna get his chance. What? If Cameron Diaz can get her door banged (let alone elsewhere by the end of the night) by Jude Law in the Holiday then I too live in hope! I know it's a film! This is what years of being single has done, I've become deluded by Rom Coms and when you live in the middle of no where single handedly raising a 5 and 7 year old the isolation can start to play tricks on your mind. Anyway, I tried to tweet Hugh this week but he doesn't have an account so that's over before it started, his loss. I wonder if Jude Tweets...


The point I'm trying to make is that poor Samantha Brick is plighted by being chatted up and adorned and I am plighted with the opposite so I beg she stops moaning. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate, but it does make you question what is going on when women are in disbelief at you not getting chatted up and the men are running a mile!

Kate Duffy - Had a break!

Hi Ive had a little break after handing in course work and finishing my placement. I say break what I mean is that I'm still doing "stuff" but more for my pleasure.

So what have I been doing, well, I nearly had a break when a theatre script I wrote very nearly got picked by a theatre company performing at an Oxford theatre before heading to Edinburgh Fringe. It was very exciting to be so close but extremely disappointing not to have got it, this time. What it has made me realise though is how much I do want it. Before now I would have been terrified at the prospect of having one of my scripts, film or theatre, being put into production but I am so ready now. It would have been an excellent start to my career beyond college but I am also aware that if I had been chosen then I would have been extremely lucky as writers very rarely strike it lucky with their first script and the first production company to look at it! Anyway, I've sent it else where the experience as definitely boosted my confidence.

I've also been involved in a joint project with my fellow writer and other half of Sisters Ink Writers, Sarah. We headed off to a Tattoo studio for a day to shoot in the hope of making a short film. We've got to go back for another shoot day for more interviews before we can edit.

This I would never have done pre Film Oxford, I just would not have had the confidence. Even if nothing comes of it the learning experience is brilliant. I really enjoy the process and hope to make more films in the future along side my writing.

It's not all been good this month though when one of my projects fell by the way side. I wanted to enter a sit com script to the BBC's comedy writing competition but after completing the outline I didn't have enough time to write the episode required to enter. I'm kicking myself on that score but I have to remind myself that I can't do everything! Just not a good month with college dead lines the same week. Hey ho, I'm still going to write it, I'll have to find something else to do with it instead! Oh I know, in cupboard next to the rest Ha! No, that's the old me, this is the new me!

Went to the theatre last week and saw a contemporary production, it wasn't really my thing, sooo intense but still a great experience none the less. Have made a vow to go and see some kind of theatre once a month. Lets face it, gone are my raving days then followed by drinking grown men under the table, can't take the 3 day hang over and the shame. It only happens very rarely now urghh....I'm just  wincing at the thought of my birthday last year......let's just say I woke up with no voice and a badge saying I love c**k pinned on the arse of my jeans. I had no part of it of course, no seriously I didn't, can't remember anything past 10.30!

No, I'm cultured, intellectual and focused now, that's the new me. On that note I'm off to watch the Witches of Eastwich,.....I know, my depths know no boundaries.

Kate Duffy at Film Oxford - Head on the Block!

Wow what a week to end on! Yes, can you believe it, my placement time has come to an end, 10 weeks gone in a blink of an eye. I've enjoyed my time here so much more than I could have ever imagined, and I say that in a good way of course. I was really looking forward to coming to Film Oxford, after all, I did apply here, but I wasn't really sure where I as going to fit in and what role I would play. On starting, it became clear that I would get the oppertunity to assist in lots of different areas giving me a wide range of experience whilst learning lots of new skills.

Anyway, last week was a busy one with the 2nd week of the Reel Women course running and then the screening night being held on the Friday. The Reel Women group worked on capturing, logging and editing film footage, pictures and vox pox's.  The group really worked hard pulling together and putting their ideas together about how the film should sound and look, getting it finished in time for the screening night. I really enjoyed the past two weeks assisitng Ali with the course, working with a mixture of women and making friends that I shall stay in touch with, and maybe work with in the future.

A screening night in conjunction with The International Women's Festival was held on Friday. Ali and myself went through the Film Oxford database and picked out some local women who worked in the industry to come and talk about their experiences in film making and working in the media. Hannah Vale, a local woman who is successfully achieving her goal with a career in the media, joined a couple of other women film makers showing their work followed by Q&A's. This group included myself and Sam McNern with 'Booty Call' it was great to see it on the screen at last!

I've always said no one is interested in the writer or who they are when watching a film, this point was proven when Sam had questions from the audience and I, none. This is the beauty of being the writer, if you were to become a successful writer, you'd earn the respect and credit, but you can still go down Tescos in your PJ's and no one knows who you are. Perfect! The night was a great success with a great audience getting the chance to network as well as make some new like minded friends.

Actually, it's been such fun at Film Oxford that I've asked if they will let me stay on as a volunteer and I'm pleased to say they have agreed! Must be my tea making skills. I hope I can continue learning through experience and I hope I can contribute to Film Oxford's fantastic team of staff. Who knows where it may lead me. I shall contiue to Blog if permitted so please keep reading!

I highly reccomend anyone out there who has thought about volunteering at what ever it may be to give it a go it's done me the world of good and I have noticed that my confidence is finally growing which is such a massive thing for me. It's definately worth it! Off now to sort out 10 tonne of college work for tomorrows dead line. They'll be some fretting and sweating in bed tonight! Oh Matron!

Kate Duffy Film Oxford - Reel Women On The Block!

 This week has been a busy one with it being the first week of the Reel Women course. I've really enjoyed it and have loved being busy out and about, meeting different people. A short film about the Lord Mayor of Oxford is the groups project and week one saw the group being introduced to the camera, lighting and  other equipment, planning the film, and the actual shoot day. When you look at it wrote down this is allot to get done in three days and Ali does a brilliant job of getting the group trained, organised and prepared.

DAY 1 - HANDS ON TRAINING

DAY 2 - PRACTISE SHOOT

On the shoot day we split into to two groups, one shooting the interview and one getting vox pox's and any other interesting external  footage that could be used in the shoot. I was in the group that filmed the interview and luckily we had a great subject Lord Mayor Elise Benjamin  who was interesting, funny, and very co-operative. The shoot felt good to do quite nerve racking and some times rather stressful but all in all a really great experience which all the group appeared to enjoy, I got quite a buzz actually and was pleased with how the day went.

                                                                  

DAY 3 - ON LOCATION

However, after watching the footage on our return to Film Oxford I found myself feeling disappointed at the mistakes that had been made which could have been prevented on the shoot.  Hindsight is not a great thing and I wish I had found my voice a little more on certain matters, I was left feeling disappointed and frustrated with MYSELF and NOT with anyone else in the group let me make that clear. I must add though that I am over it now and I realise that it is all a learning curve and in that respect I have learnt sooo....much.


            
On Friday I met with the Shadowlight Artist group which is always an inspirational and enjoyable experience. We heard about their different projects and how they are progressing, watched a rough cut of one of their films which looked amazing. The group also updated their web pages and I, after a quick training session, helped with this. Russell brought in his script with the re-writes he had made, he'd taken all previous feedback on board and had tightened it up nicely.

All in all I've learnt a great deal at Film Oxford this week and  have enjoyed it greatly. I'm really looking forward to editing the footage for the Lord Mayor film, I feel confident that a decent little short will come out of it ( I still think the film should be called 'There's Something About Mayory'  no one else agrees though, I don't know why?) Also, we have a screening night this Friday where we will be showing films and talking with local women film makers in conjunction with The International Women's Festival. We'll even be showing a short I wrote which was made by, Sam McNern a film maker who has also completed courses at Film Oxford. Nerve racking or what!

Looking forward to the week ahead after a full on weekend with kids where my 5 year old insisted on wearing her roller skates everywhere resulting in my dragging her along at top speed likened to Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do Av 'Em when we got caught in torrential rain. I've never laughed so hard, you should have seen her face. I need adult company!


Look

Kate Duffy Film Oxford - Staying on the block....

The last two weeks have gone well, I seem to have my routine now and am able to get on with work even if there's no one about to give a specific job at that time. Every ones been great and the work environment is relaxed and friendly. Still doing a variation of jobs from technical, practical to general office work. This has been interesting and I've been able to spot what I really like doing and what feels not so suited to me.

The pre -course preparations are now complete for the The Reel Women course which starts this week. I've really enjoyed this and am looking forward to helping out on the actual course. I think I can confirm that I prefer to be working with people, organising, doing some marketing, communicating. This I have found really enjoyable and it's great to be able to be part of the teaching course and I can't wait to meet the group of women and get hands on.

I've also discovered that computers are not my friend. OK, well i know they're not supposed to be, but what I mean is that I don't get as much satisfaction when it comes to the technical side of stuff. Don't get me wrong I'm really eager to learn and fully understand that the skills I'm gaining are extremely useful, but I just don't get as much satisfaction when doing them. No that's not right either, what I mean is that I feel a bit of a bubble head when trying to learn the skills.  I find myself staring on with a blank expression as my brain tries to absorb the information, not a good look in front of an employer! I do get there in the end, it just takes a little longer than other stuff. The old lack of confidence plays a part as well, if I start to fluster then I can't concentrate making things even worse. I have learnt that I just need to take the time it takes for it to sink in, not be scared to ask questions if I'm unsure. It can sometimes feel uncomfortable when asking for the 4th time to have something explained, but I've learnt it's best to feel like a numpty for 5 mins than be dumb to the job in hand for the rest of the time I'm there!

 That said, Nomita (the graphic design volunteer) and I have been editing a film she made with a group on one of the courses and I've loved it! I even came in on a day off to do it, it's addictive. So even though I'm using editing software, because there is a creative side to it I find it enjoyable and satisfying. I've discovered a few things about myself to date at Film Oxford and I'm trying my hardest to handle things differently not allowing my lack of confidence beat me and prevent me from developing. This experience could end up being just what I've needed on a personal level to encourage me to continue in the future, an unexpected side to the placement that I hadn't really thought about before starting. Steady on....getting a bit deep here!

Kate at Film Oxford - Still on the Block.

Had a great week after my wobble last week. Got down to some good work and felt like I was contributing to the work force. Met with Ali again and got the posters for the Reel Women course updated by Nomita the fantastic graphics design volunteer at Film Oxford. She did a brilliant job and Ali and I were really pleased to get them printed off and distributed. All we need now is for people to sign up so if you're a woman reading this and feel like giving film making a go, then go to the Film Oxford website http://www.ofvm.org/training/ under Training check out the criteria and if you match then get signed up. I thoroughly recommend it from experience, don't do what I have for years and put yourself off, get signed up!


Helped Rodger prepare equipment and got on with other office duties,  feel much better about myself, feeling inspired again. I came in on Thursday night and attended the AGM, it was interesting to hear about the great work and achievements Film Oxford have made over the past year. It was also really useful to hear what was coming up in the next year, and to meet the new committee members. There was a short compilation of finished film projects completed in the past, it's always nice to see the end product on screen makes it real.

At the weekend I attended the Adobe Premier editing course. When I make my 3 min short, a project for term 3 at college, I intend to do as much of the work as possible myself, including editing. I wasn't sure whether my brain would be able to absorb all the techi stuff involved when learning new software, lets face it I live with a 5 and 7 year old, my technology abilities aren't that stretched. As long as I can hook up the Wii and Nintendo I'm a winner, in fact I have to ask my 7 year old for advice on that! Anyway, to my surprise and delight I was able to understand the course, even if it absorbed a little slower that some of the other group members. Andy, the tutor, was excellent and made it clear and easy to follow.

Nomita and I on editing course.

 Hands on tuition is always good for me and this was his style of teaching so it was excellent. I've got the bug now and have already begun editing a project with Nomita.

Andy on editing course.

It's been such a productive and encouraging week, still got a mountain to climb but at least I feel able to get my climbing boots on. Something has changed in me, for the better, and yeah check me out with photos and a link. Steady on, I'll be taking over the world at this rate!

Girl on the block....still

Another week at Film Oxford and things are going nicely. I must admit though I've had a dip this week, nothing to do with Film Oxford, it's me. I have this terrible curse that I live with involving my lack of confidence. 'Confidence?!' I hear those who know me cry. I don't mean talking to people and mixing, Lord knows I'd talk to a goat and I'm definitely not shy. What I mean is confidence in my capabilities, there's only been one person holding me back all my life, and that's me. I just doubt my abilities and let it get to me. I want to learn so much whilst I'm here but I know that If I'm not careful I will not push my self and fail to achieve the goals I set out to. Whats become apparent, and a running theme through out Film Oxford is that 99% of film making/writing is just getting on with it, getting stuck in, giving it a try. Now when you have no confidence in what you're doing this can be a problem. I know I just need to get over it and crack on and I'm really not going to let me get in the way of me! Right! That's my talking to, continue.....

So, another interesting week, meeting with Ali, assisting with the ongoing arrangements for the Reel Women course and screening event. On the practical side I helped Rodger prepare equipment for the Shooting Video course Suzy Prior runs in the evenings. I did this course before Christmas and had a great time, Suzy is a fabulous tutor with a great sense of humour which always helps, I thoroughly recommend it to any new budding film maker. Also, I've done some general office stuff I'm updating the film libraries back catalogue , this gives me the chance to become familiar with some of the finished films. On the whole it's been an interesting and varied week and I feel I'm settling in well (not sure what the other staff members would say!).

I'm on an Editing course this weekend at Film Oxford so looking forward to that. I really hope that I shake off the feeling of inadequacy allowing myself to develop instead of taking a back sit and just going along for the ride. I need to get hold of the gear stick, Oh Matron! But you know what I mean. There is nothing Film Oxford can do about it, this is my mission. To infinity and beyond.......oh shut up woman!